Apple cider vinegar
Green juice (kale, silverbeet, cucumber, apple, avocado, lime and celery)
Honey soy garlic chicken with salad. I bought a premade simmer sauce which was foul and so sugary, it was unbearable! I originally went to buy a tandoori paste but it was so much more expensive, so I went for a cheaper option. Big mistake!
Sludge smoothie (flaxseeds, chia seeds, sunflower seeds, cacao powder, maca powder, spirulina, chlorella, honey, pollen, Schindle’s enzyme powder, banana and mango)
Homemade french onion dip (light sour cream mixed with french onion soup mix) with like 6 million crudites (carrot, raw broccoli, celery and cucumber)
Today was alright but my morning plan was completely messed up by my douchebag uncle. I’ll tell you why he’s d-bag in a second. But anyway, my plan was to have my apple cider vinegar, and then my green juice. And the green juice gives huge amounts of energy so I was going to drink it, wait 30 minutes and then start on my morning exercises. But just as I’d finished my juice, I got a call from my uncle saying he and his wife would be over in an hour to do some gardening (my mum is having to pay him to do it, he wouldn’t do it without pay! her own brother!). So basically that meant I had an hour to shower, get dressed and tidy up the house because I was home alone. And I can’t stand being around these people because they are painfully ignorant (they are homophobes), so as soon as they arrived, I just went for a drive. So I didn’t end up completing a few of my goals from yesterday, which is crapola. But I am going to just roll them over into tomorrow’s goals.
Okay, so my uncle is a knob because a couple of weeks ago (in the middle of a family dinner) he gave me an hour long lecture about how I need to lose weight. He basically told me that because of my size, I will always be undesirable to men and the ones that will have me will be desperate freaks, and that I won’t be able to look after my children properly because I’ll be too fat to play with them. I am not even close with my uncle, so it wasn’t like it was coming from a close trusted family member. It really hurt. Especially as he is one of the unhealthiest people I know, yet he felt he had the right to criticize me. I smiled and nodded along but inside I wanted to hit him. This was shortly after my dad told me he was disappointed in me as a daughter, so I was just really over men at this point!
Now, with exercise. I really don’t want to exercise. I think this is going to be my biggest hurdle. However, I showed the insanity shred to my mum today and she said that I am not fit enough to be attempting that sort of activity yet because it will be too hard on my joints with my current weight. And to be honest, I do agree. My knees felt like they were going to snap when I was doing star jumps, and my wrists really really hurt when I did the downward dog position in yoga. We both agreed that until I have lost at least 20kg, I will just use the stationary cycle for exercise because it takes the weight off my joints but still raises my heart rate. I feel better with this arrangement.
I also realized today that I am not ready to go to food shops yet. Although I didn’t buy anything junky, it really was a struggle. It occured to me how easy it would be just to pick up a chocolate bar, hide the wrappers and pretend it never happened. Also, it’s literally impossible to walk through a food shop without seeing some form of confectionary or fattening food somewhere, and I found myself begining to crave the foods I was seeing. I think that I will avoid food shops for a while, just until I am well into my weight loss. Too far to just throw the towel in!
I am sorry for this essay, if any of you actually read this stuff, I think you are too great for words and am sending you goodluck vibes.
☮ & ❤