So I went a little wild and I’m doing Lite ‘n Easy for one week just to reel myself back in. Lite n’ Easy is a diet meal delivery thing. You choose the amount of calories you want to eat each day for a week. I’m doing the 1200 cal program at the moment. They send you a huge big esky filled with your whole week’s worth of meals in little bags labeled ‘Monday - Breakfast’ etc., and then you eat it accordingly! The food is always super tasty but I’m not going to do it for long because I can’t be sure that they use good quality ingredients. It’s more just about portion control which is what I need right now :) the food diary below might seem like I’m eating mountains but rest assured that the portions are TINY. Like the cereal is probably a tablespoon-full, the bread is like palm sized.
- Almond toasted muesli with soy milk
- Ham and cheese on two slices of wholegrain and oat toast
- I didn’t have lunch today, I am sick at the moment and just didn’t feel like it. I had the designated Lite n Easy lunch for dinner instead.
- Chicken burger pattie in a ciabatta roll with mayonaise
- Mango greek yoghurt
- Muesli cookies
- Green smoothie (homemade)
I saw a psychic last weekend who told me that I had three spirit guides. Beauty, the healer, and a bubble of danger. She said that the beauty guide really wanted me to start believing my own beauty. So right now, that’s what I’m trying to do.
At the moment and in the past, I have never believed when people compliment my looks. I just think, ‘they’re saying that just to be kind to the fat girl’. When I look at myself in the mirror without makeup, I think that nobody could love that so I’d better get content with being alone. That voice in my head is not my own, it’s my parents’ (and other people’s) insecurities camouflaging as my own voice. I realize that now so I’m working to start listening to my own true voice. I’m trying to love myself inside, then outside will follow.
I just read over that and I sound like such a knobzilla.
Sorry but there is no way to talk about body positivity and self esteem without sounding like a soul-searching hitch hiker that wears fair trade maxi skirts bought from runaway child brides in India and always has a backpack well stocked with apples and trail mix and ‘Organic’ magazine!
I hope you have all been great, I have been vegetating in my bed because I have the Niagra Snot Falls in my nose.
Lots of love
☮ & ❤
I am so tired. A 14 day period has zapped me of all energies.
My mum showed me a new diet today, 5 days normal eating, 2 days low calorie. I love the sound of it already. I’m not going to eat burgers and stuff on the normal days, still clean eating, but just not as strict as right now.
I am too tired to type right now, I just went into a word spin over the word strict. You know when suddenly a word makes no sense in your brain and you can’t comprehend such a word? Word spin.
Lots of love,
☮ & ❤
- Green smoothie
- 2 raw brownies
- Coconut meat and like a spoonful of juice (wasn’t so successful with the opening of the coconut, most of the juice ended up on the floor!)
- Quinoa salad with chopped ham
Water: 1L uh oh!
I literally ate exactly the same thing as yesterday except for the dinner. I won’t be able to do the same tomorrow as I have polished off all the coconuts AND the quinoa salad! Healthy hi5!
Tomorrow will be a challenge because I’m babysitting and this child’s house is filled with nothing but sugar and fat. It’s insane, like the only vegetable in the house is potato chips. Last weekend, I managed to resist it all. Going to try to do the same this weekend! I’m going to take little one to the movies tomorrow and I’m going to buy some cashews to keep me going.
My appointment with the clairvoyant on Thursday was interesting. Usually this lady is super accurate, but this time she was a little off. She described my uncle, and my grandma and poppa. But she also said that a male friend who had comitted suicide had come in too. And I racked my brains so hard all day but I have never known someone of his description (tall and lanky, she said) that has comitted. I haven’t known anyone that has comitted at all, lanky or otherwise! She said he told me to follow my dreams to become a psychologist, because he had been pushed into a career that he didn’t want by his parents.
So I don’t know who that was. The messages she had from my grandparents were pretty accurate and they were really happy with me, they said I’d had a massive growth spurt in confidence, emotionally, stability and maturity, all due to the India trip. And I feel like I really have! They also said that ‘most wonderfully, I have finally found the courage to be what I want to be’. And that made me feel fantastic, because psychology is my vocation.
I think this lady is genuinely a medium to the other side, but I don’t think she has ‘psychic’ abilities. I don’t think anyone does because the future constantly changes with each decision we make.
Oh well. It was lovely to hear from my grandpies anyway :)
I hope you have all had wonderful days!
☮ & ❤
- Green Smoothie
- 2 raw brownie squares with peanut butter icing (shown in last post)
- Coconut juice and meat
- Quinoa with spinach, onion, cucumber, mint leaves and chopped ham
I am a little bit tired at the moment, lots of things happened today and it has really worn me out. I will do a proper post tomorrow :)
☮ & ❤
Homemade raw brownies, with a natural peanut butter “icing”!
The brownie I posted yesterday was from a raw cafe, but this beauty right here was made by my mum! The recipe is technically for raw bliss balls, but my ma got all creative and put the mix into a brownie tin.
This is so tasty, and so healthy! It’s completely vegan and free of any nasties.
I’ll try to weedle the recipe out of my mum (she thinks she completely invented it herself from scratch, even though I’m pretty sure she got it from a cooking website), and then I’ll post it on here so you can bite from the flattened testicles of an angel.
☮ & ❤
You see that? You see that shiny delicious brownie? Ugh so fattening, definitely not clean, and super unhealthy, right?
It’s a raw brownie!!! Made with pecans, dates, raw cacao powder, shredded coconut, honey and salt! And holy cowbells it was SO delicious. If you gave that to me and said ‘here is a normal brownie from a normal bakery with normal sugar and normal chocolate’, I would start grunting like a pig and eat it in one mouthful. It literally tasted no different to a normal brownie! I am so impressed with the raw foodist community. They are magicians!
Breakfast (at 2:40pm, waking up far too late!): green smoothie
Snack: coconut water and meat, raw brownie (shown above)
Lunch: Tuna with lettuce, spinach, cucumber and flaxseed oil
Afternoon snack: 3 squares of raw blue-green algae chocolate, a pomegranate
Dinner: green smoothie
I had a boring day today but I am SO excited about tomorrow!!! I’m going to see a clairvoyant! I have seen this lady a few times before (years apart) and she was consistently accurate, so I completely trust and believe in her abilities. I saw her just before I went to India and everything she said came true (unfortunately!). She is so lovely, I can’t wait for tomorrow!
Yesterday, I went to a lady who read my chakra. I have never really paid too much attention to chakras, not because I don’t believe it, but just because I was too lazy to read up. But after hearing how insanely accurate the lady I saw yesterday was (she is also a clairvoyant), I am completely fascinated. She told me that she thinks I need to do some work with my inner child. I’m trying to think of a way to explain it simply, but it’s a bit tricky. Basically, from when you are concieved, your DNA is retaining every second of life. So the circumstances under which you are brought into the world stay with you for life in your cells. If you had a less than perfect upbringing (during a divorce for example, like me), this can affect the rest of your life without you even knowing it. So next week, she’s going to help me to have some past-event regressions, and then teach me how to nuture myself thus re-writing my DNA. She told me that she lost 2 stone when she began to nurture her inner child. Plus, she’s 70 but looks barely 50! She said it’s because her inner child is healthy and keeps her youthful. She also told me that when she was 40, she had an iridology scan done (eye scan). And then after doing all her inner child work, she had another scan done (at the age of 60). Apparently the iridologist was baffled because her cells had changed so drastically (in a positive way), it was like looking at another eye altogether. I am so interested to see what effect it has on me. She told me that my weight is 100% related to my inner child, so I hope it has positive results!
I’m not a nutbag, I swear.
Sending you all lots of love! I hope you’ve had a wonderful day.
☮ & ❤
Breakfast: green superfood smoothie
Lunch: dahl curry with brown rice
Afternoon snack: raw mint chocolate
Dinner: pear superfood smoothie (this was so good, it tasted like a cake in a glass because pears have that kinda gritty texture, I’ll post the recipe tomorrow)
I worked from 6-2 today babysitting and the rest of the day was spent being 100% self-indulgent! It was a blast. It’s late now so I’m going to head to the land of nod but I have a tonne of interesting things to tell you tomorrow!!!
☮ & ❤
Breakfast: green smoothie
Morning tea: a few chunks of rockmelon (cantaloupe)
Lunch: dahl with brown rice (my mum makes a mean dahl curry, and it’s clean program approved. I can’t remember what goes in it but it’s tasty)
Afternoon tea: raw chocolate (seen in last post)
Dinner: green smoothie
I still haven’t given in to temptation! I’m a little bit proud about this. Today I was babysitting and I was chopping up some cheddar cheese for the child, and I lurve chomping on big chunks of cheese, but I didn’t even eat a CRUMB today! And then when I got home, there was cheese in my fridge too and all my family were out so nobody would have known if I just ate one little slice, but I still didn’t! And there was even dairy milk chocolate which is one of my all time favourites, but I just put it back and told myself that if I resist now, I’ll feel so much better when I start at university all lighter! Small victory for me :)
Day 8. My periodicals are still flowing freely, and it’s just getting so annoying. I can’t even remember what it was like back in the old days anymore, when I didn’t have to worry about leaking! What if it never stops?! What if I’m destined to sleep on a towel for the rest of my life?! This must be revenge for all those times I was smug when people said they had monthly periods.
And one last update about the girl who has been mooching off me, she sent this wimpy little text last night saying that she wants me to ‘recount everything because she doesn’t think she owes me $150’, so I just blew up and told her exactly what she needed to hear. I went through every place I’d paid for her food, and told her she lacks dignity and class. And that she’s also a moocher. She didn’t reply to that. I probably won’t see that money again, but at least I stood up for myself.
I have to wake up at 5:30am tomorrow morning so I’d better hit the sheets.
I hope you had a lovely day! :)
☮ & ❤
BLUE-GREEN ALGAE RAW CHOCOLATE
There are few things in this world healthier (and tastier) than this badboy.
This is raw, vegan, organic, gluten-free, sugar-free, preservative-free, handmade chocolate. It’s softer than normal chocolate, like eating a really dense, super-rich chocolate mudcake!
Blue-green algae in chocolate sounds weird, but it’s like tiny little crispy salty chips. I can’t describe it but it’s SO delicious.
The ingredients are: cacao solids 60% min, virgin cacao butter, dark agave nectar, raw cacao powder, virgin coconut oil, wild carob, cinnamon, pure himalayan crystal salt, blue-green algae, maca and vanilla.
I just wanted to share this little guy with you, he satisfies chocolate cravings AND actually does you good!!!
Buy online - Pana Chocolate !
☮ & ❤
Okay so day one of the grand scheme went sort of to plan, sort of not to plan.
Breakfast: Optifast shake
Lunch: Optifast shake
Afternoon snack: 1/4 cup of dried incaberries
Dinner: lettuce, tomato and onion salad with adzuki bean patties (the patties were all 100% natural)
See? It’s like half good but then the water and exercise isn’t good. Plus I didn’t actually want to have a meal for dinner but I ran out of optifast shakes so I had the salad.
I didn’t withdraw from uni or buy new optifast shakes today either, I didn’t even leave the house (I spent the whole day pretending to be a singer). But I think I am justified in this laziness because I have the red version of niagra falls coming out of my minky area at the moment. I am so done with being a woman. I don’t know how you regular gals cope with doing this every single month!
I’m about to jump in the shower now, and then tomorrow I’m going to head to the shops for my shakes and then into uni to withdraw. I think I’m supposed to go to the drive-in cinema tomorrow night with some friends so I hope that my uterus takes a chill pill.
Tomorrow’s goals are the same as todays carried over. Going to get it done this time :)
I hope you’ve have a wonderful and successful day.
☮ & ❤
I don’t know what to say when I don’t post for a while. Do I say sorry? I feel like if I said that people would think, ‘why are you apologising? i didn’t even notice!’. It’s a predicament, but if you were wondering what happened, I’m secretly sorry.
I got my period for the first time since sometime last year. I tend to have about 2 periods a year so as you can imagine, they are hellish when they do come! I have been princess bitchface of late.
I haven’t been eating 100% healthy but also not 100% unhealthy so that’s nice, but tomorrow I’m going to get right back into it because guess what?!
I’m withdrawing from my uni tomorrow! No more classes until July so I have buckets of spare time to prepare healthy foods and exercise and do all sorts of self-improvement stuff! It’s sort of a dream come true. I have always wanted to just have time away from everything to do this but whenever I get spare time, there’s always something that I should be doing. Either pre-reading or an assignment or things like that which is just stressful. But now I can live the dream :)
I feel really motivated at the moment too because I want to start at my new uni at least 10kg down. There’s 14 weeks and 6 days til I start so I think that’s a reasonable goal!
My plan for tomorrow is to achieve the following:
- Hand in withdrawl form
- 3L of water
- 3 optifast shakes + 2 cups of vegetables to eat
- An hour or more of exercise
- Buy more shakes
I hope you’ve all been well :)
☮ & ❤
I binged over easter, and I binged hard!
From about Thursday to Monday I was chowing down on McDonald’s and chips and chocolate. I don’t know what triggered it. I was feeling accomplished Thursday evening because I had achieved so much during the week (1 exam, 1 presentation and 1 uni application). So that night I just decided to treat myself with McDonald’s for dinner. And it was all downhill from there until Monday!
So now I’m going back to a no-thought-required method, which for me is meal replacement shakes (Optifast). I’m replacing all 3 meals with a shake and have a tiny light meal (mostly vegetables) in the evening. Today I had a tonne of turkey which was alright and also 25g of jellybeans which wasn’t good, but they were just a once off so I’m not going to cry about it.
I know the meal replacements aren’t at all healthy because they’re just a concoction of chemicals, but they have the nutrients needed for weightloss (albeit synthetic) and a pretty good success rate so I’ll just do this for a while until I’ve lost a substantial amount of weight, then I’ll wean off into clean, vegetarian (maybe vegan) food.
I hope you had a lovely easter and truly enjoyed yourself :)
Sending metta (loving kindness),
☮ & ❤
This has to be my favourite picture of all time. This was taken in the converted windmill in East Sussex that I grew up in. The orange haired lady is my aunty, doing a ridiculous stepford wife ‘happily serving the dinner’ pose lol. And the lady donning the chenille jumper is my great-aunty Mary. And the little splot at the head of the table is me! (it’s a photo of a photograph so I apologise for the terrible quality) Whenever I look at this, it reminds me of where I came from and who I am.
I’m sorry for the lack of posts recently. It has been a wild couple of days. Since I last posted, I have discovered my vocation, sat an exam (and even felt confident about it afterwards - shock!), made a presentation to the class AND applied for a new university course! I feel absolutely drained mentally and physically.
It still feels so surreal that I’ve now actually applied to study psychology at university. My application and transcripts are now waiting to be assessed! I called the university yesterday and asked how likely it would be for me to be accepted considering my current qualifications, and the guy on the phone said that because I’ve already been accepted into a good university and been studying for a year, I have a very good chance of being accepted! So if you’re willing, please keep your fingers crossed, or put good vibes into the universe for me to get accepted! It would mean so much :)
My eating wasn’t that good today but generally it hasn’t been too awful. I haven’t fallen off the wagon completely but my routine is out of whack at the moment so I’m going to have to work to get it back into shape. My mum leaves for a 9 day Buddhist retreat tomorrow so I’ll be back to making my own meals and decisions!
I’ve decided to try a pre-cleanse, which I will elaborate on later. Once I’ve done that for 2 weeks, I’ll move into a full-blown cleanse. I am nervous but excited because it’ll keep me busy making new recipes instead of thinking about whether or not I’ll get accepted into the university!
I hope you have all been well, I’ll be back to food and exercise diaries tomorrow.
Sending metta (loving kindness),
☮ & ❤
- Home made paleo banoffee bread (RECIPE HERE)
- Mixed vegetable crisps
- Chicken salad (pictured above), I know the dressing may have been a bit unnecessary but it just made it easier to eat the greens once the chicken had run out.
- 5 pieces of cooked tuna sushi
- 1 slice of paleo banoffee bread
- Teaspoonful of salmon caviar
Exercise: 60 minutes on the stationary bike
I felt much better about my eating today! You know how I swore off food shopping yesterday? Well I realized today just how much I had been leaning on it! All day I just kept thinking about things I wanted to pop in and buy. I wanted to get some of that Cadbury’s philly cream cheese. And then some carrot cake. I think that’s the problem with having an eating disorder. It is relentless, and it pops up in all different forms. Like I can be in my healthy eating mindset, and then start convincing myself that buying huge amounts of ‘healthy snacks’ are a great idea. And then I’m essentially just swapping M&M’s for trail mix, chocolate bars for chocolate covered strawberries, and potato chips for vege chips. And to be honest, they’re no better than each other!
So I think avoiding the shops will really have a huge impact on my weight loss. We shall see :)
The banoffee (banana and coffee) bread was amazing!!! I found a recipe for normal paleo banana bread and then became like a mad scientist throwing in a dash of this and a pinch of that. The end result was heavenly! I’m going to post up a recipe for it after this because I think it has to be tried to be believed :)
I have to be up early in the morning for work but I feel like I need to make a post about my future career because I had some thoughts/breakthroughs today.
I hope you’ve all had just wonderful days!
☮ & ❤
Lazy food diary today because it’s 12:19am and I would rather be snuggled up in bed!
Long story short, today was not a good eating day and I feel a bit unhappy about it. I think I have to just accept that as much as I love going food shopping for ‘healthy’ food, I am just not disciplined enough yet to actually buy genuinely healthy food without getting lured into the fatty side of the store.
New goal: stay away from food shops for the next 4 weeks and work with what there is at home.
Let’s see how this goes!
Sending loving kindness to you all, I hope you’ve all had good days!
☮ & ❤