OH good heavens.
I completely forgot to put in the main reason I started that last post in the first place.
I wanted to say that I’m not going to focus on weight loss anymore. If it happens then great, groovalicious, coolbeans. But I just want to be comfortable.
If I can walk up the stairs without panting like a dog for 10 minutes, I will be a happy gal.
That’s it really. That comfort is more motivating than any slinky dress or sexy blouse you throw my way.
So I went a little wild and I’m doing Lite ‘n Easy for one week just to reel myself back in. Lite n’ Easy is a diet meal delivery thing. You choose the amount of calories you want to eat each day for a week. I’m doing the 1200 cal program at the moment. They send you a huge big esky filled with your whole week’s worth of meals in little bags labeled ‘Monday - Breakfast’ etc., and then you eat it accordingly! The food is always super tasty but I’m not going to do it for long because I can’t be sure that they use good quality ingredients. It’s more just about portion control which is what I need right now :) the food diary below might seem like I’m eating mountains but rest assured that the portions are TINY. Like the cereal is probably a tablespoon-full, the bread is like palm sized.
- Almond toasted muesli with soy milk
- Ham and cheese on two slices of wholegrain and oat toast
- I didn’t have lunch today, I am sick at the moment and just didn’t feel like it. I had the designated Lite n Easy lunch for dinner instead.
- Chicken burger pattie in a ciabatta roll with mayonaise
- Mango greek yoghurt
- Muesli cookies
- Green smoothie (homemade)
I saw a psychic last weekend who told me that I had three spirit guides. Beauty, the healer, and a bubble of danger. She said that the beauty guide really wanted me to start believing my own beauty. So right now, that’s what I’m trying to do.
At the moment and in the past, I have never believed when people compliment my looks. I just think, ‘they’re saying that just to be kind to the fat girl’. When I look at myself in the mirror without makeup, I think that nobody could love that so I’d better get content with being alone. That voice in my head is not my own, it’s my parents’ (and other people’s) insecurities camouflaging as my own voice. I realize that now so I’m working to start listening to my own true voice. I’m trying to love myself inside, then outside will follow.
I just read over that and I sound like such a knobzilla.
Sorry but there is no way to talk about body positivity and self esteem without sounding like a soul-searching hitch hiker that wears fair trade maxi skirts bought from runaway child brides in India and always has a backpack well stocked with apples and trail mix and ‘Organic’ magazine!
I hope you have all been great, I have been vegetating in my bed because I have the Niagra Snot Falls in my nose.
Lots of love
☮ & ❤
I’m sorry for the absence of posts. You’re probably all distraught, I bet!
No but honestly, I am in the process of renovating my room. Once it’s looking fabulous, I will post pictures!
I hope you’re all happy, healthy and wealthy.
☮ & ❤
I am so tired. A 14 day period has zapped me of all energies.
My mum showed me a new diet today, 5 days normal eating, 2 days low calorie. I love the sound of it already. I’m not going to eat burgers and stuff on the normal days, still clean eating, but just not as strict as right now.
I am too tired to type right now, I just went into a word spin over the word strict. You know when suddenly a word makes no sense in your brain and you can’t comprehend such a word? Word spin.
Lots of love,
☮ & ❤
Fasting and how to live longer and stave off common diseases while improving every aspect of your health.
- Green smoothie
- 2 raw brownies
- Coconut meat and like a spoonful of juice (wasn’t so successful with the opening of the coconut, most of the juice ended up on the floor!)
- Quinoa salad with chopped ham
Water: 1L uh oh!
I literally ate exactly the same thing as yesterday except for the dinner. I won’t be able to do the same tomorrow as I have polished off all the coconuts AND the quinoa salad! Healthy hi5!
Tomorrow will be a challenge because I’m babysitting and this child’s house is filled with nothing but sugar and fat. It’s insane, like the only vegetable in the house is potato chips. Last weekend, I managed to resist it all. Going to try to do the same this weekend! I’m going to take little one to the movies tomorrow and I’m going to buy some cashews to keep me going.
My appointment with the clairvoyant on Thursday was interesting. Usually this lady is super accurate, but this time she was a little off. She described my uncle, and my grandma and poppa. But she also said that a male friend who had comitted suicide had come in too. And I racked my brains so hard all day but I have never known someone of his description (tall and lanky, she said) that has comitted. I haven’t known anyone that has comitted at all, lanky or otherwise! She said he told me to follow my dreams to become a psychologist, because he had been pushed into a career that he didn’t want by his parents.
So I don’t know who that was. The messages she had from my grandparents were pretty accurate and they were really happy with me, they said I’d had a massive growth spurt in confidence, emotionally, stability and maturity, all due to the India trip. And I feel like I really have! They also said that ‘most wonderfully, I have finally found the courage to be what I want to be’. And that made me feel fantastic, because psychology is my vocation.
I think this lady is genuinely a medium to the other side, but I don’t think she has ‘psychic’ abilities. I don’t think anyone does because the future constantly changes with each decision we make.
Oh well. It was lovely to hear from my grandpies anyway :)
I hope you have all had wonderful days!
☮ & ❤
- Green Smoothie
- 2 raw brownie squares with peanut butter icing (shown in last post)
- Coconut juice and meat
- Quinoa with spinach, onion, cucumber, mint leaves and chopped ham
I am a little bit tired at the moment, lots of things happened today and it has really worn me out. I will do a proper post tomorrow :)
☮ & ❤
Homemade raw brownies, with a natural peanut butter “icing”!
The brownie I posted yesterday was from a raw cafe, but this beauty right here was made by my mum! The recipe is technically for raw bliss balls, but my ma got all creative and put the mix into a brownie tin.
This is so tasty, and so healthy! It’s completely vegan and free of any nasties.
I’ll try to weedle the recipe out of my mum (she thinks she completely invented it herself from scratch, even though I’m pretty sure she got it from a cooking website), and then I’ll post it on here so you can bite from the flattened testicles of an angel.
☮ & ❤
You see that? You see that shiny delicious brownie? Ugh so fattening, definitely not clean, and super unhealthy, right?
It’s a raw brownie!!! Made with pecans, dates, raw cacao powder, shredded coconut, honey and salt! And holy cowbells it was SO delicious. If you gave that to me and said ‘here is a normal brownie from a normal bakery with normal sugar and normal chocolate’, I would start grunting like a pig and eat it in one mouthful. It literally tasted no different to a normal brownie! I am so impressed with the raw foodist community. They are magicians!
Breakfast (at 2:40pm, waking up far too late!): green smoothie
Snack: coconut water and meat, raw brownie (shown above)
Lunch: Tuna with lettuce, spinach, cucumber and flaxseed oil
Afternoon snack: 3 squares of raw blue-green algae chocolate, a pomegranate
Dinner: green smoothie
I had a boring day today but I am SO excited about tomorrow!!! I’m going to see a clairvoyant! I have seen this lady a few times before (years apart) and she was consistently accurate, so I completely trust and believe in her abilities. I saw her just before I went to India and everything she said came true (unfortunately!). She is so lovely, I can’t wait for tomorrow!
Yesterday, I went to a lady who read my chakra. I have never really paid too much attention to chakras, not because I don’t believe it, but just because I was too lazy to read up. But after hearing how insanely accurate the lady I saw yesterday was (she is also a clairvoyant), I am completely fascinated. She told me that she thinks I need to do some work with my inner child. I’m trying to think of a way to explain it simply, but it’s a bit tricky. Basically, from when you are concieved, your DNA is retaining every second of life. So the circumstances under which you are brought into the world stay with you for life in your cells. If you had a less than perfect upbringing (during a divorce for example, like me), this can affect the rest of your life without you even knowing it. So next week, she’s going to help me to have some past-event regressions, and then teach me how to nuture myself thus re-writing my DNA. She told me that she lost 2 stone when she began to nurture her inner child. Plus, she’s 70 but looks barely 50! She said it’s because her inner child is healthy and keeps her youthful. She also told me that when she was 40, she had an iridology scan done (eye scan). And then after doing all her inner child work, she had another scan done (at the age of 60). Apparently the iridologist was baffled because her cells had changed so drastically (in a positive way), it was like looking at another eye altogether. I am so interested to see what effect it has on me. She told me that my weight is 100% related to my inner child, so I hope it has positive results!
I’m not a nutbag, I swear.
Sending you all lots of love! I hope you’ve had a wonderful day.
☮ & ❤
I’m just doing some blog renovations at the moment, please excuse the confusing posts!
PERSONAL EXCITABLES (weight loss milestones!):
- Fit into my size AU16 AQUA couture dress! (I bought this dress to wear on my 18th birthday, but discovered - on the day - that it didn’t fit. I can’t wait to fit into it!)
- Fit into my size UK18 tan playsuit
- Be able to comfortably wear my beige sweater with flowers and deer on it to go for walks/jogs
- Be able to just ‘go for a jog’ and not die
- Be able to fit into my spotted sleeveless pinup dress
- Fit into a size AU12 / size medium
- Be able to go to the beach and feel comfortable to wear bathers in public
- Be able to wear a dress/skirt without leggings or tights, and not end up with chafing
- Be able to go out in public without makeup
100kg: A day at the day spa (facial, massage, mani/pedi)
90kg: Urban Outfitters order (decorative things)
85kg: ASOS order ($100 worth of clothes)
80kg: Harrods order ($150 worth of anything!)
75kg: Topshop order ($150 worth of work out clothes)
70kg: A Wheels & Dollbaby dress
68kg: A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE!!! Absolutely new everything, courtesy of mothergoose!
Before picture: +130kg / 286lbs, taken in January 2013
Breakfast: green superfood smoothie
Lunch: dahl curry with brown rice
Afternoon snack: raw mint chocolate
Dinner: pear superfood smoothie (this was so good, it tasted like a cake in a glass because pears have that kinda gritty texture, I’ll post the recipe tomorrow)
I worked from 6-2 today babysitting and the rest of the day was spent being 100% self-indulgent! It was a blast. It’s late now so I’m going to head to the land of nod but I have a tonne of interesting things to tell you tomorrow!!!
☮ & ❤
Breakfast: green smoothie
Morning tea: a few chunks of rockmelon (cantaloupe)
Lunch: dahl with brown rice (my mum makes a mean dahl curry, and it’s clean program approved. I can’t remember what goes in it but it’s tasty)
Afternoon tea: raw chocolate (seen in last post)
Dinner: green smoothie
I still haven’t given in to temptation! I’m a little bit proud about this. Today I was babysitting and I was chopping up some cheddar cheese for the child, and I lurve chomping on big chunks of cheese, but I didn’t even eat a CRUMB today! And then when I got home, there was cheese in my fridge too and all my family were out so nobody would have known if I just ate one little slice, but I still didn’t! And there was even dairy milk chocolate which is one of my all time favourites, but I just put it back and told myself that if I resist now, I’ll feel so much better when I start at university all lighter! Small victory for me :)
Day 8. My periodicals are still flowing freely, and it’s just getting so annoying. I can’t even remember what it was like back in the old days anymore, when I didn’t have to worry about leaking! What if it never stops?! What if I’m destined to sleep on a towel for the rest of my life?! This must be revenge for all those times I was smug when people said they had monthly periods.
And one last update about the girl who has been mooching off me, she sent this wimpy little text last night saying that she wants me to ‘recount everything because she doesn’t think she owes me $150’, so I just blew up and told her exactly what she needed to hear. I went through every place I’d paid for her food, and told her she lacks dignity and class. And that she’s also a moocher. She didn’t reply to that. I probably won’t see that money again, but at least I stood up for myself.
I have to wake up at 5:30am tomorrow morning so I’d better hit the sheets.
I hope you had a lovely day! :)
☮ & ❤
BLUE-GREEN ALGAE RAW CHOCOLATE
There are few things in this world healthier (and tastier) than this badboy.
This is raw, vegan, organic, gluten-free, sugar-free, preservative-free, handmade chocolate. It’s softer than normal chocolate, like eating a really dense, super-rich chocolate mudcake!
Blue-green algae in chocolate sounds weird, but it’s like tiny little crispy salty chips. I can’t describe it but it’s SO delicious.
The ingredients are: cacao solids 60% min, virgin cacao butter, dark agave nectar, raw cacao powder, virgin coconut oil, wild carob, cinnamon, pure himalayan crystal salt, blue-green algae, maca and vanilla.
I just wanted to share this little guy with you, he satisfies chocolate cravings AND actually does you good!!!
Buy online - Pana Chocolate !
☮ & ❤
Breakfast: green superfood smoothie
Lunch: turkey, lettuce, tomato and onion salad with flaxseed oil dressing
Snacks: a crapload of melon, raw chocolate
Dinner: green superfood smoothie
I am so flippin excited to type this next bit because in TWO days of clean eating, I dropped 3 kilos. What?!?! I know! And I weighed myself at 1pm after having breakfast!!! So now I’m back to 127kg because I was retaining a bunch of water after all the McDonald’s.
I know it’s just water weight but it’s still weight and my body is letting go! I am so happy with that result, it’s just made it clear to me that clean really is the way to go.
Today I was a little bit productive too, I have officially withdrawn from university!
I also told a girl who has been mooching off me (to the sum of about $300!) for nearly 1.5 years that she needs to pay me back now. Whenever we go out for lunch, she makes me order first, and then she starts whinging about how she hates her life and she has no money so obviously I have to offer to pay for her. And then it got to the point where she wouldn’t even say thank you, she’d just expect it. Then she’d whinge about the food too and order sides and drinks and whatever she pleased on MY DEBIT CARD. She is unbelievably rude. But I was completely nice and friendly about it and only asked for $150, and she sent the bitchiest reply back! The last sentence of her reply was ‘I’ll pay it back if it really means that much to you.’ I know right, how insane is that?! I have to admit, I have never ever liked this girl, but this was just the icing on the cake. I am SO glad to be getting away from her! I’m going to have to be a bit smarter when picking friends next time.
Okay that’s me done. I just needed a big purge of feelings because this has been miffing me off for over a year now!
I hope you’ve all had a lovely day!
OMG she just texted me again saying she doesn’t think she owes me that much and wants me to recount each purchase. Cue fireworks!!!
Lots of love xxx